Who’s am I? That’s the question the Bible asks all of us. It doesn’t ask us “who are you?” God knows who you are. He knows you better than you know yourself. However, God asks us through his word to answer the question: Who do you belong to?
This is fundamental to the Bible. This is why the world was plunged into sin and all are born slaves of sin. We are born slaves of sin because of who’s we are. We are born of the seed of Adam, being children of the Devil. That’s who’s we are. We are born children of Satan.
So if I am going to tell you about “me,” then you really need to know who I belong to. Who is my authority? Who owns me?
God decided to take ownership of me, become my authority, thus becoming his around October 2010. I was a wretch. Proud in heart. Playing with the emotions of younger girls. Thinking that I knew God, though I was living like a child of Satan because I was a child of Satan. I was self deceived. Let me try and illustrate what I mean.
So I would read the Bible and twist it to my own fancy. It was like receiving orders and commands from a king, and instead of listening to those commands and orders, I would pick the words I wanted, burn the rest, and then declare how much I knew to everyone else because I read the kings commands and it says such and such. And then, instead of pointing to the wisdom of the King, and the greatness of his kind commands that produced life, I would talk about how amazing I was, and how those children of the King were fools and didn’t know much about their father.
If providence would have put me in the crowd of Jews the day Jesus was crucified, I would have been among them, yelling “crucify him!” I didn’t want the Jesus that walked the earth. I wanted a Jesus of my own PC making, who was a liberal-conservative hybrid, obeying my whims and commands.
I increasingly used the Bible to affirm the sins God hates. And I became the fool, who ignored the teachings of the wise, and misunderstood what is plainly seen. I saw but did not see, and I heard but did not hear.
But God sent a prophet. His words pierced my soul. He exposed who I was.
I wish I could say that I am like the woman at the well. She was told by Jesus her sins. She then went around and told everyone how amazing Jesus was, and how he knew her better than anyone, and yet she had never met him before. She believed in him. She pointed and looked to him. She has done something I don’t do: She pointed people to Jesus by declaring the sin that he had called her out on.
I am too good to tell others my sin. No, no, no. Can’t do that. I’m a Christian! We’re perfect! I need to be seen as perfect for the world to listen to me!
Yes, I wish I had half the courage that woman did. No. Instead, I was transformed, and then I continued to hold onto some of my sins. If not all of them.
I’m nothing like that woman at the well. I don’t boast in my weakness. I hide it. I’m so arrogant that I think I know how to evangelize better than God does.
Yet Jesus uses the weak in the world to confound and shame the wise. And boy do I think I’m wise. I have been confounded by the weak men and women of the Bible. And yet Jesus saved me from myself, and continues to do so.
I am Christ’s. I belong to Him. And it seems like He won’t let me go, and He keeps calling me and drawing me to himself.
Jesus is so patient. And I am just a sinner, being carried along by the Holy Spirit into greater degrees of Holiness. He works slow, but I praise God he continues to work.