QUESTION #3: WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME?
Question 3 in our five part series of questions.
“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” Song of Solomon 8:4
When is the right time?
As I said while speaking, the analogy I’ll use is traveling. Before you travel you need to first know if you can travel at all. Is the car running? Does the engine work? Are the tires read? Is there gas in the car? You must ask yourself, are you emotionally and mentally mature? Do you have a correct understanding, knowledge, and desire for marriage?
You then need to make sure you can drive and have the ability to go. Do you have the time? The resources? The energy? Or basically put, do you have the time and energy to put into a relationship? Do you have the resources to put into a relationship? Or will you be bumming money off of mom and dad your whole life? Will you play more video games than spending time with your spouse? Are you working and going to school and barely have time to eat or sleep? If you can barely take care of yourself or have time to rest, do you have the time for a relationship?
You also then need to know, where are you going? What place are you headed to? Or are you going to drive into the ocean or off a cliff? To ask it in a real life way, do you know what the purpose of marriage is for? And are you two both aiming to know God and receive and love God as your greatest treasure?
Last, you need to make sure that the person you want to take along with you can answer those questions as well: Do they have the ability to go? Do they have the time, the resources, the energy? Are they heading towards the same place?
Are they emotionally and mentally stable? Do they have the time, resources, and energy to pursue a relationship with you? Do they even believe in God? And if they do, are they seeking Him and treasuring Him above everything else?
The right time is when you are Satisfied in Christ. When you are so deeply in love with Jesus that nothing can separate you from loving God. When no circumstance deters you from seeking God, but all circumstances press you into seeking Him more. When you desire Him above all things, your family, your future, your own life. Why? Because you don’t know what the future will hold. You have no idea what marriage will be like, nor do you know what your future will be like.
What happens when you wake up and don’t feel any affections for the person you’re married to? Do you divorce them?
What happens when you get home after a long day of work, and your tired, and your wife/husband and kids want something from you? Do you brush them off, and yell at them, or get mad or annoyed?
What happens if your wife dies after 3 years of marriage? Are you ready for that?
What happens if your child gets kidnapped? Are you ready for that?
Are you ready to love a child at 2am when they’re having nightmares?
What happens when your wife/husband gets cancer?
What happens if they get fat? Or if they lose an arm or a leg or get burned and thus lose all looks?
Are you ready to serve and love them as Christ did, or are you going to say “they’re no longer the ‘right person’ I’m out.”
Have you been preparing yourself ever since you were 10, 13, 15, to be so satisfied in Christ that He is your strength, He is what satisfies, He is whom you see as most beautiful?
Are you ready to wake up at 4am when the baby is crying? Do you think that “Oh, he’ll do that. She’ll do that..” No, you must give 100% in your marriage.
I don’t want to limit this to merely dating and marriage. When you are satisfied in Jesus, when you know Christ, and have drawn closer and closer and closer, loving him with your mind and heart, you will be ready for a thousand things. But the question is, are you satisfied in Christ?
These all are real life scenarios. These things happen. And the only thing that will get you through this all is not preparing for each circumstance. Like you’ll have a tracking device on your child, you’ll have a nanny hired, or you’ll save up money now for cancer treatment. No, what will sustain you is the all satisfying glory and power of knowing Christ and trusting and resting your head upon his chest.
Think deeply about Christ now, get to know Him now.
Because when you do:
You will be:
1. Emotionally mature and ready.
2. Mentally mature and ready.
3. Sober minded.
4. Uninfluenced by the world.
5. Aiming towards bringing life to someone rather than taking life.
Don’t hesitate. Start seeking God now, and that may mean reading about great men and women of God from the past. It may mean listening to Pastors who love God.
Start now. It is the difference between life and death.