QUESTION #1: WHO AM I BECOMING?
Question 1 in our five part series of questions.
This question is foundational because we often jump into relationships thinking about who they’ll be, what they’ll be like, if they’ll like what you like. But who has asked themselves, “In ten years from now, if I keep doing what I’ve been doing, and thinking what I’ve been thinking, and acting the way I’ve been acting, how will I treat my future spouse? How will I love that other person? What will I be like? What am I like?”
Let’s look at a passage of scripture that reveals more about what Adam was like before he met Eve than you may have realized.
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18
Notice: God didn’t say, “it’s not good for man to be sad.” God didn’t say “It’s not good for man to be incomplete.” God didn’t say “It’s not good for man to feel alone.” What isn’t said can often reveal a lot more than what is said.
Adam didn’t seem to be sad that he was alone. There is no indication of this in Genesis. Adam didn’t feel incomplete nor did God say he was incomplete. Adam didn’t even express feeling alone. Don’t believe me? Read Genesis 2 again. Adam seemed to be just doing what God had told him to do.
For the Genesis account we can say a few things pretty solidly. Adam knew God. Adam knew God better than most people. He heard God’s voice. He knew God’s command. He knew God’s works. And, Adam was the only human being. He was alone. Not because Adam felt alone, but because he was literally the only human. The only creature of his kind. There was no other.
This changes the nature of what it meant for Adam to be alone. It didn’t mean he wanted someone to complete him. It meant that while every animal had others of it’s kind, Adam was the only one. So why wasn’t it good for Adam to be alone like that? Because Adam couldn’t have babies and make more humans by himself. God didn’t design Adam that way. Adam needed a helper in order to do this command God had decreed earlier.
However, I want to take a step deeper. I believe there is another reason why it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. Adam didn’t have someone to share his delight and joy and passion for God with.
Think with me. When you really like someone or something, don’t you feel an urge to share it with someone else? If you experienced the most awesome thing, you can’t wait to tell someone else. That’s why we talk about all sorts of things, like our favorite actors, movies, books, tv shows, games, clothes, style, and what we did. We experienced something and have a desire to share it with someone else.
So let’s take what we experience and think a little more. Adam is experiencing God. Adam is also experiencing all these new and wonderful things. But he had no one to tell it to. He couldn’t tell a tree or a cat, “DID you see that! Did you see How God did that?! Do you see what He has made?” Why? Because a tree’s and cat’s aren’t human. They don’t talk. They don’t experience or see what humans do. They can’t understand a man who gets excited about God. But another human being could, and that would be a joyful thing to share each others joys.
So God made someone fit just for Adam. To be a helper. A co-laborer. A sharer. To both fulfill God’s command and enjoy God.
Notice the verse also doesn’t say, “I will make a god fit for…” no, Eve wasn’t a god. It didn’t say “I will make a person who Adam will find all his joy and satisfaction in..” No. She wasn’t Adams joy and satisfaction. She wasn’t Adams world. No. She was a helper. She shared in what Adam felt, what Adam did, what Adam experienced, and what Adam was passionate about. And they both got to say and share with one another the wonders of who God is.
They were satisfied in God, but shared with one another the work and the joys of knowing and seeing God.
Notice also: Adam wasn’t looking for someone. Eve wasn’t looking for someone.
God took action. God, not man, said it wasn’t good for him to be alone. God put Adam to sleep. God made Eve. God married them. God brought them together. Adam was a whole person, satisfied in God. And when the right time came, God made Adam a helper fit for him.
It’s not about looking; It’s not about finding the Right person; It’s about Being the Right person. It’s about being that person satisfied in God, to which God says, “He’s alone and needs someone to delight in me with.”
So, who or what are you becoming?
Are you becoming someone dependent upon circumstances of your relationship status? If your wife or husband dies three years after you get married, where will your joy and your satisfaction be found? Christ? Or a finite creature?
In the future, if your kids wake up at 2am screaming because of a nightmare, will your joy and satisfaction be found in Christ or in sleep? Are you becoming someone dependent upon the amount of sleep you get?
If you lose your job, or your car gets totaled, or your spouse gets in a bad accident and is unable to work or move the rest of their lives, will your joy and satisfaction be found in their abilities, your car, your job? Or will your joy be found in the rock solidness of Christ?
Are you growing in drinking from the fountain of God to where you can say on that day when calamity, strife, grief, and bad things strike you, “God, you are working all things for my good and I praise you. Who am I to deserve all the graces you have lavished upon me?”
Or are you so drunk with the cool aid mix of this world that you’re becoming someone who allows the fleeting circumstances to tell you how to feel and how to react?
Grow in being satisfied in God and He will bring you together with another person.
IT’S NOT ABOUT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S ABOUT BEING THE RIGHT PERSON.