Now that I hopefully help you understand that you can’t satisfy someone, and that someone won’t satisfy you, let’s talk about dating.
When we look into the bible, we don’t find the words dating or courting.This is where our problems begin. Dating is a new idea that comes from the culture. We don’t see dating in the bible. But we do see how to handle relationships, what to look for in a person, and what to be as a person in the Bible.
But we always must start with our relationship with God, how satisfied we are in God, and how much we love His word. Without these in place, without these in front, center, and pulling us onward, we will get lost in a world that only causes trouble, pain, and death.
Now, I will post Jessie Blas’ sermon notes for you to look at, because this is good stuff that you may want to read again! I’ll add in a few sentences and put them in italics so that you know these are my own added words.
Love Handles Week1: Sermon Notes
By Jessie Blas
FOUR POSSIBLE RELATIONSHIP STATUSES:
There are four possible relationship statuses.
- SINGLE – this is perfectly ok and probably wise.
- IN A RELATIONSHIP – that prob won’t work out haha.
- IT’S COMPLICATED – there are too many in this boat.
- SEARCHING – there’s only one you need to search for.
Today’s philosophy of dating falls short of God’s standard. The way we do things is so backwards. Take the Bachelor and Bachelorette for example. Allow me to get on my soapbox here. I met my dream man – who I’ve spend a total of like 5 hours with – who is dating 27 other women at the same time – who has yet to pay for a date b/c all of our dates take place in fantasyland – and then we are surprised when they break up after the final rose!
Many teens today have been through multiple breakups and have given pieces of their hearts (and bodies) to boyfriends or girlfriends that they would have never considered marrying all because they have never allowed God’s word to guide their dating process.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
One of the reasons our dating resume looks so bad is because we have been looking for the all the wrong things. Most teens I know simply look for looks. Now lets be perfectly clear – LOOKS ARE IMPORTANT – but looks definitely aren’t the only thing that matters. Too many teens step into unhealthy relationships with someone just because they look like the perfect blend of Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling without ever considering their character or track record for treating their exes.
“Don’t judge by his appearance or height… The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. – 1 Samuel 16:7
Here are three things we want every teen to look for when you consider dating somebody…
1. LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO LOVES JESUS
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? – 1 Corinthians 6:14
If you are a follower of Jesus and you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know Jesus then your relationship isn’t honoring to God and it won’t work out. Jesus never called us to be missionary daters. We need to date someone who is moving in the same direction… towards Jesus!
2. LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO SETS BOUNDARIES
Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts. – 2 Timothy 2:22
If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t set or respect boundaries then you are on a dangerous road that will lead you further than you ever wanted to go. When it comes to setting boundaries, failing to plan is planning to fail.
- TO THE GIRLS: YOU ARE WORTH THE WAIT.
- TO THE GUYS: THE WAIT IS WORTH IT.
Set your boundary line far from sin and never move your line further than you want to compromise for someone else.
An example would be: the guy or girl telling you, “I don’t want to kiss, nor grab each other sexually in anyway or anywhere. I’m set apart and holy for God.” And then they follow through and prevent circumstance, like: being together, alone, at home, on the couch, laying next to one another. Practical wisdom to be wholly set on being holy and blameless. -Truth
3. LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO RESPECTS YOU
Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out for your own interests, but take an interest in others too. – Philippians 2:3-4
It doesn’t matter what boundaries you set if the person you are dating doesn’t respect them because it means that they don’t respect you. If someone really loves you (or really cares about you) then they will respect your boundaries instead of asking you to compromise. There are a lot of difficult things that Jesus asks us to do but compromising isn’t one of them.
Not only would they set boundaries, but they understand, respect, and even help you or encourage or agree with your boundaries. -Truth
HOW DO I KNOW IF I’VE FOUND THE ONE?
Maybe you are dating somebody who loves Jesus, sets boundaries and respects you but you’re still not sure that he or she is the one. I see this happen a lot. In fact, one of the most popular questions that students ask me is “How did you know that she was the right one?”
This is the WRONG question to be asking. It assumes there is only ONE person in the entire world that God intended for me to be with and if I don’t find that person then I will never really be happy. This lie stems from what I call the Right Person Myth.
THE RIGHT PERSON MYTH: WHEN I MEET THE RIGHT PERSON, EVERYTHING WILL BE RIGHT.
Too many people in this world, especially teens, have bought into this myth that once we meet Mr. or Mrs. McDreamy then everything else in life will be right. We buy into the lie that once we are in the ‘perfect’ relationship everything else falls into place too. We think that we will never feel alone again. We will think that he (or she) completes us. We’ve been fed this lie since we were kids (Romantic movies, Prince Charming, etc).
LOVE HANDLE: IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR THE ‘RIGHT’ PERSON YOU’RE LOOKING FOR THE WRONG THING.
If you are looking for fulfillment in any relationship other than your relationship with Jesus then you are never going to be satisfied and you will set the other person up for failure. You can’t expect anyone to live up to the role that only Jesus can play. Jesus needs to be your ONE before you can ever find your TWO.
For more information on the “Right Person Myth” check out my first post about “Love Handles.” Though I don’t call it the “Right Person Myth,” I am talking about the same thing. -Truth