Monthly Archives: June 2013

CFE SM: Love Handles Wk2 Q:5


Question 5 in our five part series of questions.

If you are truly seeking to glorify God in your relationship, then start  looking for Godly wisdom. That may come from a pastor or youth pastor, a parent, a friend, or a grandparent. But it must be someone who has walked with God a long time, who seeks to know God as He is, and who cherishes God above all things.

Otherwise, if you don’t have someone like that around you, then ask those older than you. Which may be parents, a pastor, a youth pastor, and even older friends or family. They will have insight and experience from their life that may shed light on something in your relationship that you need to work on. Perhaps they may tell you that your relationship is unhealthy and destructive. But whatever they may say, we show honor to those older than us by even simply asking for their knowledge, wisdom, and insight. It says we acknowledge that God has placed them in our lives and that they may have insight that we need.

Question #5: What Are Godly People Saying?

By Christie Perez

* How many times have we all seen relationships that need to come to an end? Better yet, we find ourselves stuck in one of those relationships?

* I say this is important because 99% of the time the Godly people in our lives can see beyond what we see. Because of their extra years of experience and the wisdom God has given them throughout the years, they can see what you don’t see. And this is exactly what we need.

* We should always ask those we love such as our parents, closest friends, our leaders, pastors and mentors what their thoughts are on dating. We should ask them if they think we’re ready for a relationship? As well as what they think about the person that is pursuing you (ladies) or you young men about that young lady you want to pursue?

* A lot of times we think that our parents don’t want us to be happy or even have fun. When in reality our parents just are always looking for our best interest.

* So here is something for you to think about if your parents who love you so dearly wants what best for you how much more does God want the best for his son/daughter that he left us with these instructions found in proverbs 6:20-22

* Proverbs 6: 20 -22 – “My son, obey your father’s commands, and don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. Keep their words always in your heart. Tie them around your neck. When you walk, their counsel will lead you. When you sleep, they will protect you. When you wake up, they will advise you.

* In the Old Testament there was a man named Samson, he was known to be the strongest man in the bible. Samson refused to listen to his parents advise, and everything backfired.

* Before he met Delilah, the woman that cut his hair which caused him to break his covenant with God as well as losing his eyes, there was another young woman who captured his attention. She was a Philistine woman; the philistines had a different way of living than Samson did.

* Samson, instead of listening to his parents who advised against it, continued with the relationship and it wound up pretty bad. The night of their wedding party she ended up leaving Samson for his best man.

* Let’s take a look into Judges 14:2-3 which shows us how his parents advised him to protect him before all of this happened.

* He told his father and mother, “A young Philistine woman caught my eye. I want to marry her. Get her for me. His father and mother objected. “Isn’t there even one woman in our tribe among the Israelites you could marry?” they asked. “Why must you go to the pagan Philistines to find a wife?” But Samson told his father, “Get her for me! She looks good to me!” – Judges 14:2-3

* You may not have gone through losing a person to your own best friend, but I know many of us have ignored the advice of those godly people that surround us. Like Sampson, we end up experiencing unneeded pain or heartache.

* Something I’ve learned from situations like this is if you have to continuously defend a relationship to your parents or friends then they are seeing something that you’re not seeing. This is definitely a red flag. You should be listening. If it’s a relationship that you need to defend, it probably needs to end.

CFE SM: Love Handles Wk2 Q:4


Question 4 in our five part series of questions.

Any relationship we have on this earth should be for one reason alone: To glorify God and enjoy Him forever. What I mean by that is, every family bond, friendship, or dating/courting relationship should aim to glorify God and show our satisfaction in Him.

Relationships are not ends in themselves. What I mean by this is: relationships aren’t the goal of your life. You don’t breathe to have a relationship. You weren’t created by God to marry someone. That wasn’t God’s purpose in making you. His purpose was for you to glorify and enjoy God, Himself. That means, everything you do, whether you eat, drink, sleep, work, get married, get into a relationship, or remain single, should be because you want to glorify God and enjoy Him.

If a relationship has no purpose other than to satisfy you and your needs, which often shows up in needing to find “the one,” then you are already on the path of having no direction in your relationship. If it’s all about you, or all about the other person, then your setting yourself up for a sinful, Godless, relationship.

So where is the relationship heading?

If it’s not aiming to glorify God, then it’s heading nowhere.

But, if you are aiming to glorify God, which means you’ll be trying to display Christ and His relationship with the Church in your relationship, then your relationships will be purposeful and aiming to say, “Can we pursue Christ together? Are we equally yoked? Can we display Christ and the Church together?”


By Christie Perez

From my own past experience, I didn’t think about what happens when you stay in a relationship that’s purpose isn’t marriage and isn’t going anywhere. God can be putting stop signs all along the path. The red flags can be so obvious, but we become blinded by emotions, and trust in our own will instead of what Gods word says. By doing this, we are setting ourselves up for failure. The consequences are often heartache, abandonment, pain, emptiness, and loneliness.

But when God is your focus and your satisfaction, and when you love and know His word above all other words, then you will know what direction you should be heading. And that may mean you have to end a relationship you’ve been in far too long because it’s not heading in the right direction. That may mean not getting into a relationship with someone because they just want to date for fun.

Something to think about is, “Will I be/Am I honoring God by being with this person? Am I honoring my future spouse?”

CFE SM: Love Handles Wk2 Q:3


Question 3 in our five part series of questions.

“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” Song of Solomon 8:4

When is the right time?

As I said while speaking, the analogy I’ll use is traveling. Before you travel you need to first know if you can travel at all. Is the car running? Does the engine work? Are the tires read? Is there gas in the car?  You must ask yourself, are you emotionally and mentally mature? Do you have a correct understanding, knowledge, and desire for marriage?

You then need to make sure you can drive and have the ability to go. Do you have the time? The resources? The energy? Or basically put, do you have the time and energy to put into a relationship? Do you have the resources to put into a relationship? Or will you be bumming money off of mom and dad your whole life? Will you play more video games than spending time with your spouse? Are you working and going to school and barely have time to eat or sleep? If you can barely take care of yourself or have time to rest, do you have the time for a relationship?

You also then need to know, where are you going? What place are you headed to? Or are you going to drive into the ocean or off a cliff? To ask it in a real life way, do you know what the purpose of marriage is for? And are you two both aiming to know God and receive and love God as your greatest treasure?

Last, you need to make sure that the person you want to take along with you can answer those questions as well: Do they have the ability to go? Do they have the time, the resources, the energy? Are they heading towards the same place?

Are they emotionally and mentally stable? Do they have the time, resources, and energy to pursue a relationship with you? Do they even believe in God? And if they do, are they seeking Him and treasuring Him above everything else?

The right time is when you are Satisfied in Christ. When you are so deeply in love with Jesus that nothing can separate you from loving God. When no circumstance deters you from seeking God, but all circumstances press you into seeking Him more. When you desire Him above all things, your family, your future, your own life. Why? Because you don’t know what the future will hold. You have no idea what marriage will be like, nor do you know what your future will be like.

What happens when you wake up and don’t feel any affections for the person you’re married to? Do you divorce them?

What happens when you get home after a long day of work, and your tired, and your wife/husband and kids want something from you? Do you brush them off, and yell at them, or get mad or annoyed?

What happens if your wife dies after 3 years of marriage? Are you ready for that?

What happens if your child gets kidnapped? Are you ready for that?

Are you ready to love a child at 2am when they’re having nightmares?

What happens when your wife/husband gets cancer?

What happens if they get fat? Or if they lose an arm or a leg or get burned and thus lose all looks?

Are you ready to serve and love them as Christ did, or are you going to say “they’re no longer the ‘right person’ I’m out.”

Have you been preparing yourself ever since you were 10, 13, 15, to be so satisfied in Christ that He is your strength, He is what satisfies, He is whom you see as most beautiful?

Are you ready to wake up at 4am when the baby is crying? Do you think that “Oh, he’ll do that. She’ll do that..” No, you must give 100% in your marriage.

I don’t want to limit this to merely dating and marriage. When you are satisfied in Jesus, when you know Christ, and have drawn closer and closer and closer, loving him with your mind and heart, you will be ready for a thousand things. But the question is, are you satisfied in Christ?

These all are real life scenarios. These things happen. And the only thing that will get you through this all is not preparing for each circumstance. Like you’ll have a tracking device on your child, you’ll have a nanny hired, or you’ll save up money now for cancer treatment. No, what will sustain you is the all satisfying glory and power of knowing Christ and trusting and resting your head upon his chest.

Think deeply about Christ now, get to know Him now.

Because when you do:

You will be:

1. Emotionally mature and ready.

2. Mentally mature and ready.

3. Sober minded.

4. Uninfluenced by the world.

5. Aiming towards bringing life to someone rather than taking life.

Don’t hesitate. Start seeking God now, and that may mean reading about great men and women of God from the past. It may mean listening to Pastors who love God.

Start now. It is the difference between life and death.

CFE SM: Love Handles Wk2 Q:2


 Question 2 in our five part series of questions.

In this post, I’ll give you Christie’s notes that she spoke about:

Questions #2: Why Do I Want this?

By Christie Perez

Most of the times when we think about dating a person we can find many different reasons as to why. But we never really ask ourselves what the true motive behind dating this person can be. Is it because he or she is attractive, they’re the most popular kid in school, all my friends have a boyfriend or girlfriend, I feel alone, I need to be the center of attention, it makes me feel good about myself etc..

* 11 years ago when I was dating, I was doing it with the wrong motives: Mere attractiveness and looks; fear of being alone; wanting to feel good about myself. Dating at the time meant sitting together at lunch, holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and going to the movies chaperoned.

* This lead to making wrong decisions and lots of heartache which would have been avoided if I had dated with the right motive.

* In psalm 26:2 David wrote “Put me on trial, Lord, and cross examine me. Test my motives and my heart”. David was asking God to search every inch of his heart to remove any selfish desire that did not glorify God.

* David was making a declaration of loyalty to God. Putting God above all, trusting the lord to forgive his sins, he also was showing his commitment to God. We must overall show God our commitment to him by being obedient and walking in his ways, as well as guarding our hearts, because when we don’t guard our hearts and set boundaries the recipe is disaster.

* You may be asking yourself what is the right motive? When we decide to pursue a relationship with a person the purpose of it is to help that person become more like Jesus. Are you ready to help another person become more like Jesus; lead them closer to the throne of God?




I so enjoy Christie’s last question. That really sums up Why we should want a relationship. “Am I ready to help another person become more like Jesus? To bring them closer to the throne of God?”

Behind that question is the need for a foundation in our lives. Before we can even ask that question with true intent, true motive, and with clear understanding, we need to be able to say without any hesitation, “I love Jesus! I love the Bible! I love God! I want what God wants, and I am so totally devoted to Him that my aim in a relationship is not what I can get, but what can I do?” Our intention should be to glorify God in everything we do and enjoy Him. That means in your marriage you: seek to glorify God, joyfully pour yourself out onto another human being, enjoy the family dynamic of children and growth, and seek to be made more into His likeness.

Press on to know God fully and to love Him totally. Anything less than that is sin.

CFE SM: Love Handles Wk2 Q:1


Question 1 in our five part series of questions.

This question is foundational because we often jump into relationships thinking about who they’ll be, what they’ll be like, if they’ll like what you like. But who has asked themselves, “In ten years from now, if I keep doing what I’ve been doing, and thinking what I’ve been thinking, and acting the way I’ve been acting, how will I treat my future spouse? How will I love that other person? What will I be like? What am I like?”

Let’s look at a passage of scripture that reveals more about what Adam was like before he met Eve than you may have realized.

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18

Notice: God didn’t say, “it’s not good for man to be sad.” God didn’t say “It’s not good for man to be incomplete.” God didn’t say “It’s not good for man to feel alone.” What isn’t said can often reveal a lot more than what is said.

Adam didn’t seem to be sad that he was alone. There is no indication of this in Genesis. Adam didn’t feel incomplete nor did God say he was incomplete. Adam didn’t even express feeling alone. Don’t believe me? Read Genesis 2 again. Adam seemed to be just doing what God had told him to do.

For the Genesis account we can say a few things pretty solidly. Adam knew God. Adam knew God better than most people. He heard God’s voice. He knew God’s command. He knew God’s works. And, Adam was the only human being. He was alone. Not because Adam felt alone, but because he was literally the only human. The only creature of his kind. There was no other.

This changes the nature of what it meant for Adam to be alone. It didn’t mean he wanted someone to complete him. It meant that while every animal had others of it’s kind, Adam was the only one. So why wasn’t it good for Adam to be alone like that? Because Adam couldn’t have babies and make more humans by himself. God didn’t design Adam that way. Adam needed a helper in order to do this command God had decreed earlier.

However, I want to take a step deeper. I believe there is another reason why it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. Adam didn’t have someone to share his delight and joy and passion for God with.

Think with me. When you really like someone or something, don’t you feel an urge to share it with someone else? If you experienced the most awesome thing, you can’t wait to tell someone else. That’s why we talk about all sorts of things, like our favorite actors, movies, books, tv shows, games, clothes, style, and what we did. We experienced something and have a desire to share it with someone else.

So let’s take what we experience and think a little more. Adam is experiencing God. Adam is also experiencing all these new and wonderful things. But he had no one to tell it to. He couldn’t tell a tree or a cat, “DID you see that! Did you see How God did that?! Do you see what He has made?”  Why? Because a tree’s and cat’s aren’t human. They don’t talk. They don’t experience or see what humans do. They can’t understand a man who gets excited about God. But another human being could, and that would be a joyful thing to share each others joys.

So God made someone fit just for Adam. To be a helper. A co-laborer. A sharer. To both fulfill God’s command and enjoy God.

Notice the verse also doesn’t say, “I will make a god fit for…” no, Eve wasn’t a god. It didn’t say “I will make a person who Adam will find all his joy and satisfaction in..” No. She wasn’t Adams joy and satisfaction. She wasn’t Adams world. No. She was a helper. She shared in what Adam felt, what Adam did, what Adam experienced, and what Adam was passionate about. And they both got to say and share with one another the wonders of who God is.

They were satisfied in God, but shared with one another the work and the joys of knowing and seeing God.

Notice also: Adam wasn’t looking for someone. Eve wasn’t looking for someone.

God took action. God, not man, said it wasn’t good for him to be alone. God put Adam to sleep. God made Eve. God married them. God brought them together. Adam was a whole person, satisfied in God. And when the right time came, God made Adam a helper fit for him.

It’s not about looking; It’s not about finding the Right person; It’s about Being the Right person. It’s about being that person satisfied in God, to which God says, “He’s alone and needs someone to delight in me with.”

So, who or what are you becoming?

Are you becoming someone dependent upon circumstances of your relationship status? If your wife or husband dies three years after you get married, where will your joy and your satisfaction be found? Christ? Or a finite creature?

In the future,  if your kids wake up at 2am screaming because of a nightmare, will your joy and satisfaction be found in Christ or in sleep? Are you becoming someone dependent upon the amount of sleep you get?

If you lose your job, or your car gets totaled, or your spouse gets in a bad accident and is unable to work or move the rest of their lives, will your joy and satisfaction be found in their abilities, your car, your job? Or will your joy be found in the rock solidness of Christ?

Are you growing in drinking from the fountain of God to where you can say on that day when calamity, strife, grief, and bad things strike you, “God, you are working all things for my good and I praise you. Who am I to deserve all the graces you have lavished upon me?”

Or are you so drunk with the cool aid mix of this world that you’re becoming someone who allows the fleeting circumstances to tell you how to feel and how to react?

Grow in being satisfied in God and He will bring you together with another person.


CFE SM: Love Handles Wk2


We saw in Week 1 that:


We desire relationships. God designed us that way. Even when relationships don’t work out we still want a relationship. This is normal.

But even if God designed us to be in relationships it doesn’t mean we should rush into them. If anything, because He designed us to be in relationships then we should wait upon Him to direct us into one. And the Bible speaks directly to how we can pursue and handle relationships with the opposite sex.

In the next series of posts, we’ll be looking at five questions that everyone should ask before dating.








CFE SM: Love Handles Wk1 Part2

Now that I hopefully help you understand that you can’t satisfy someone, and that someone won’t satisfy you, let’s talk about dating.

When we look into the bible, we don’t find the words dating or courting.This is where our problems begin. Dating is a new idea that comes from the culture. We don’t see dating in the bible. But we do see how to handle relationships, what to look for in a person, and what to be as a person in the Bible.

But we always must start with our relationship with God, how satisfied we are in God, and how much we love His word. Without these in place, without these in front, center, and pulling us onward, we will get lost in a world that only causes trouble, pain, and death.

Now, I will post Jessie Blas’ sermon notes for you to look at, because this is good stuff that you may want to read again! I’ll add in a few sentences and put them in italics so that you know these are my own added words.

Love Handles Week1: Sermon Notes

By Jessie Blas


There are four possible relationship statuses.

  1. SINGLE – this is perfectly ok and probably wise.
  2. IN A RELATIONSHIP – that prob won’t work out haha.
  3. ITS COMPLICATED – there are too many in this boat.
  4. SEARCHING – there’s only one you need to search for.

Today’s philosophy of dating falls short of God’s standard. The way we do things is so backwards. Take the Bachelor and Bachelorette for example. Allow me to get on my soapbox here. I met my dream man – who I’ve spend a total of like 5 hours with – who is dating 27 other women at the same time – who has yet to pay for a date b/c all of our dates take place in fantasyland – and then we are surprised when they break up after the final rose!

Many teens today have been through multiple breakups and have given pieces of their hearts (and bodies) to boyfriends or girlfriends that they would have never considered marrying all because they have never allowed God’s word to guide their dating process.


One of the reasons our dating resume looks so bad is because we have been looking for the all the wrong things. Most teens  I know simply look for looks. Now lets be perfectly clear – LOOKS ARE IMPORTANT – but looks definitely aren’t the only thing that matters. Too many teens step into unhealthy relationships with someone just because they look like the perfect blend of Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling without ever considering their character or track record for treating their exes.

“Don’t judge by his appearance or height… The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. – 1 Samuel 16:7

Here are three things we want every teen to look for when you consider dating somebody…


Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? – 1 Corinthians 6:14

If you are a follower of Jesus and you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know Jesus then your relationship isn’t honoring to God and it won’t work out. Jesus never called us to be missionary daters. We need to date someone who is moving in the same direction… towards Jesus!


Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts. – 2 Timothy 2:22

If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t set or respect boundaries then you are on a dangerous road that will lead you further than you ever wanted to go. When it comes to setting boundaries, failing to plan is planning to fail.


Set your boundary line far from sin and never move your line further than you want to compromise for someone else.

An example would be: the guy or girl telling you, “I don’t want to kiss, nor grab each other sexually in anyway or anywhere. I’m set apart and holy for God.” And then they follow through and prevent circumstance, like: being together, alone, at home, on the couch, laying next to one another. Practical wisdom to be wholly set on being holy and blameless. -Truth


Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out for your own interests, but take an interest in others too. – Philippians 2:3-4

It doesn’t matter what boundaries you set if the person you are dating doesn’t respect them because it means that they don’t respect you. If someone really loves you (or really cares about you) then they will respect your boundaries instead of asking you to compromise. There are a lot of difficult things that Jesus asks us to do but compromising isn’t one of them.

Not only would they set boundaries, but they understand, respect, and even help you or encourage or agree with your boundaries. -Truth


Maybe you are dating somebody who loves Jesus, sets boundaries and respects you but you’re still not sure that he or she is the one. I see this happen a lot. In fact, one of the most popular questions that students ask me is “How did you know that she was the right one?”

This is the WRONG question to be asking. It assumes there is only ONE person in the entire world that God intended for me to be with and if I don’t find that person then I will never really be happy. This lie stems from what I call the Right Person Myth.


Too many people in this world, especially teens, have bought into this myth that once we meet Mr. or Mrs. McDreamy then everything else in life will be right. We buy into the lie that once we are in the ‘perfect’ relationship everything else falls into place too. We think that we will never feel alone again. We will think that he (or she) completes us. We’ve been fed this lie since we were kids (Romantic movies, Prince Charming, etc).


If you are looking for fulfillment in any relationship other than your relationship with Jesus then you are never going to be satisfied and you will set the other person up for failure. You can’t expect anyone to live up to the role that only Jesus can play. Jesus needs to be your ONE before you can ever find your TWO.

For more information on the “Right Person Myth” check out my first post about “Love Handles.” Though I don’t call it the “Right Person Myth,” I am talking about the same thing. -Truth

CFE SM: Love Handles Wk1


Three weeks ago, we started a relationship series called “Love Handles.” Today, I want to post up what we learned the first week, and hopefully post up the previous two weeks as well this week.

Finding “the one”

There is no such thing as “the one.” “The one” is a mythical human being created by the fantasy land of Disney and the Matrix. The concept of “the one” really comes from a desire to find someone who will complete us, who will make us happy, and who will make all of life fun, joyful, and exciting. Now, these desires are exactly the desires we must have and are okay to have. It’s good to have those desires. But let me propose to you that we’re looking in all the wrong places.

This belief of “the one” has not been well thought out, so let’s take this idea and think it out a little more.

If there is “one person” out there for you, then it also follows that you’re the “right person” for someone else. You’re suppose to “complete” another person. You’re suppose to make life fun, joyful, and exciting for another person. You’re suppose to make their world right, complete, whole, and happy. You’re the right person all the time, always making the other person happy. Right? Because that’s what the “right person” will do… right?

Follow me for a moment: where should someone look for a Ferrari? At the Dollar Store? Or at a Ferrari dealership?

What’s my point? My point is that you can’t make someone happy, especially if you aren’t. Why? Because you yourself want a Ferrari from them, but the other person wants a Ferrari from you. And you’re both looking in the wrong place.

We want someone to make us happy. But how can someone make you happy when they’re also want someone to make them happy?

This is where I begin in “finding the one.” Finding “the one person” is similar to finding a mythical creature, like unicorns, or the flying spaghetti monster, or Zeus, or Thor. You’ll only find them in the stories, legends and fantasies of Disney, writers, and romance movies.

However, let’s make no mistake! There is one who is The One, and He dwells in the Heavenly places. This being is the one who is so complete in Himself, so infinitely happy, so infinitely joyful, so infinitely adventurous, and so full of peace, goodness, gentleness, and forgiveness, that you will never look again once you encounter this man. That man is the God-man Jesus Christ.

He is that One man who satisfies. Jesus is so infinitely full of Joy, goodness, peace, and many other tasteful things, that He can fill and satisfy billions upon billions of people. We’re all looking for “the One,” and who we’re really looking for is found in Jesus Christ. If you’re looking for Ferrari’s, or private islands, or airplane parts, then you are really looking for the owner and maker of all those things. You’re looking for God. The author of happiness, the beginner of joy.

As Jesus says in John 15:11 “I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you, and your joy may be complete.”

So now maybe you’ll see that The One does exist, but there is no such thing as “the one.” The One is God, and “the one” are broken people who need and are really looking for The One without knowing it.